From Snow to Stroopwafels

Nick is our guest today. He grew up in Alaska, the United States, then moved to the Netherlands in 2016.

‘How was it—growing up in Alaska?’

‘Beautiful nature. Very nice for a small kid. You live in a huge playground: forests, lakes, snow, northern lights. But as a teen you want to socialise and that’s a different story. Alaska is extremely religious and conservative. I’ve been bullied, beaten up, and pushed out of school for being gay. We [gays] don’t have a place there, the only way is out.’

‘I’m often asked if I moved to the Netherlands for work or love. People assume that you naturally move to a new country for the good stuff they have, not away from the bad shit of your homeland. What were your reasons to move over the sea?’

‘I hate driving. You need a car to get around in the U.S.—zero alternatives. We constructed highways, byways, and suburbs, when Europe developed densely-built cities and good public transport. The second reason why I landed in the Netherlands was English as a work language. I’m terrible at foreign languages. It worked out well for me here. Amsterdam is very livable. It’s a small, cute, human-sized city, maybe too small for me now. (I’m thinking of moving to London.)’

‘How did you experience the change of cultural climate? Do you miss something from the States?’

‘I miss good Mexican food. Food with flavour. It’s funny, really. I wanted to try Dutch cuisine but there aren’t any Dutch restaurants. You don’t go to a restaurant to eat stamppot. It’s terrible.

‘I miss a working healthcare system too. It would be nice to be helped when you visit a doctor. Here, they don’t do shit, only give you paracetamol. I was shocked because that’s the service I’m paying for.

‘The cultural climate didn’t change much. I work in IT—there are people from everywhere in my team. Only one piece of advice: don’t work for a Dutch company. Those have their own unspoken rules. I mean, the Dutch do only what’s in their actual job description. But to you, as an expat, they will give everything else. At my first company, when they fired the CTO, I took her responsibilities while keeping my own tasks. “You are doing great!” They said, “We are going to give you a promotion in title. No pay raise, though.” [He paused.] That’s not a promotion in my book. The Dutch will give each other the raises and the promotions, for fake achievements too. It's the circle rule: be one of them, doe maar normaal and you’ll get all the good stuff.

‘That’s why I’ll never work for a Dutch company ever again. They screw you over.

‘It’s ironic. The longer I live here the more and more I feel alienated from Dutch culture. When I just moved, everybody was very welcoming, but I've been here long enough now. I can see that Dutch culture is very isolating. And I did not see that for the first eight years that I lived here. Maybe the politicians are to blame.’

‘What about your social life? How did it change when you moved countries?’

‘I had friends here already before moving. I grew up a shy kid but then I learned to be very social. As a result, I was never truly alone. I know people in many European cities, including London. If I move there, my social life would be easy to rebuild. There are places like a choir (I sing at the Amsterdam Gay Men’s Chorus) or a swimming team where you could meet new people. You just have to look for them.’

‘Do you have a dream?’

‘No, I don’t think so. I like my life. It’s good. [Paused.] As a kid I wanted to be a librarian, to help people discover the world of books. When I started my reading journey, my eighth grade English teacher, Anita Gayhart, was my guide. She was into fantasy books. That's why I'm into them too. Well, that dream has long since sailed.

‘I enjoy teaching. I teach Industry Projects at Columbia University. Love those kids. I mean, they are master’s students and around 22 year-old but kids to me. I love teaching. Maybe I’ll make it my job when I retire and finish my PhD.’

‘If you look back on your life, which cultural products influenced you the most?’

‘There are a number of things I would call formative, because I think that parts of my brain were developing asynchronously. I was really good at math but, for example, I could not figure out how to tie my shoes until I was eight. I had to have Velcro shoes. 

‘One of the formative things was David Eddings’s books. He wrote several series of epic fantasy novels: The Belgariad, The Mallorean, The Elenium. I cannot say they were exceptionally good. But the characters were so well formed, they felt real. Those books taught me about friendship by inclusion. I was included in their social group, in their life and even in their conversations. In reality, I was a shy kid who read books by himself in a corner. But I was happy.

‘And later in life, the Awakening by Kate Chopin helped me to understand metaphors and deep symbolism. She was on the Confederate side of the Civil War and pro slavery. I cannot recommend her other books. But The Awakening is a lovely novella. It’s only a hundred pages. Quick read. It opened up a new room somewhere inside my brain.

‘I must mention Tori Amos— a fantastic singer back in the 90s. She was the Queen. Also Anna Deranco.

‘On the other hand, people have been more pivotal in my life. I developed around them. It’s empowering and liberating to realise the endless plasticity of your own self. Not many people realise that you can be someone today and somebody else tomorrow.’

‘Migration is often a stressful event. Do you have any tips on dealing with stress?’

‘Yes, I have a 5 minute freak out rule. It saved my ass more than once. My good old teacher Dr. Hall gave me this advice. When life delivers an unexpected punch, let yourself freak the hell out. Let the emotions run their course but only for five minutes. Freaking out doesn’t help solving anything but you’ll feel better. Then you have to get hold of yourself and figure it out. Then you start thinking of the solutions.

‘Dr. Hall knew what he was talking about. It’s a really good piece of advice. With his wife, they adopted about twenty kids during their lifetime. Every few years, they’d bring in a new kid, give them a nice home, good education that they couldn’t get otherwise. It was lovely to see all the childrens’ photos in his office.’

‘Thank you very much for this interview!’